Choose to feel anger but not to act

I wrote this a few months back when Junior was going through a phase where he would get up at 7 am and refuse to go to bed before 10pm and refused to go to bed unless I went to bed too. No naps.

I am mad at you
but you don’t know
I am mad because you don’t want to go to sleep
even though you should be tired
I am mad at you
but it’s my responsibility
not to scream at you
not to fight with you
not to cry
It’s my responsibility
to read the same book
sing the same song
over and over again
until you are finally asleep

It mad me think of how different things might have been had I been handling things different, or had junior had another mother. I sometimes get the question where my patience comes from or how I can be so patient and so calm. My answer is always the same; “because I have to”. I never know what else to say. It’s not that I don’t get tired or angry or frustrated it’s just that I choose how to act. I think it’s healthy to allow yourself to get mad but I don’t think it’s healthy to act on it in a negative way. So I choose how I respond and I choose to respond calmly and with endless amounts of patience.
Do I want my son to go to bed right after a fight?
Do u want him to be screamed at and be afraid?
Do I want him to feel like a burden for not going to sleep?

Do I want him to fall asleep knowing that he is loved and in a safe environment where his presence is wanted and appreciated?

I want the latter, I choose the latter and so I choose to act accordingly. I don’t know if that makes me a realist, a pragmatic person or a hippie (yeah I’ve been called all three). I guess for me it just makes me…well…me. I know that:

for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

(Oh miss fancy pants, nice words there. What does it mean?) Thank you, those words are taken from Mr Isaac Newton, “Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica”, it means that I believe that if I show my son great love, compassion and respect (especially when he might not even be expecting it) I will get love, compassion and respect back. (And so I also believe that if I were to be mean to him, that’s what I would get back)
Couldn’t I just have said “what goes around comes around”? I could, but I didn’t. (The word you’re looking for is a) knowledgable b) eloquent c) pretentious boob. You choose. Lol)

Because I have this view though it’s hard for me to understand the underlying thoughts and actions behind “shaken baby syndrome”. I can empathize with the parents in their despair but at the same time HOW can you get so mad/frustrated that you shake a baby? I don’t think I will ever understand. More love and patience to the world. ❤


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