A high five…to the face…with a chair

We’ve all been there. We’ve all met people that deserves high fives, we probably see them on a daily basis. Then there’s also always that one person who deserves a high five to the face with a chair.

When you become pregnant people flock around you to tell you that your gorgeous, your hair is thick and you are absolutely radiant.



When you become pregnant the world around you goes bat crap crazy over night. And I’m not talking about the coworker who at 34 weeks asked me in the lunch room ” have you gained weight?” I brushed it off, chuckled and said, “well I hope so I that’s gonna be one scrawny baby”, pulled up my work shirt and showed my ginormous tshirt covered pregnant belly. (What was I supposed to say? “Idk have I?”)

No I’m talking about the crazy ladies who tell you EVERYTHING that was painful during their pregnancy, that went wrong, that could go wrong and if they don’t have their own story to tell they always have a friend of a friend’s story to tell. My favorites include:

– When I was 12 weeks pregnant I got into a hot tub. I had a miscarriage a few days later. I’m pretty sure the hot tub roasted my baby alive in there but I was too afraid to ask the doctor if that was the case. (What’s the comeback to that story?)

– you know when they say morning sickness they really mean all day sickness….24/7……for nine months! (I was about 10 weeks at that time and just wanted to sucker punch her)

– OMG and I had all these weird cravings! I would make sammies with mayo, ketchup, mustard, anchovies and chicken on them and I’d eat like a foot long in one sitting! (This after I told her I didn’t feel like eating cuz I was too nauseated.)

– did you know that if you have sex while pregnant the man’s penis can poke the baby in the head and give it brain damages. (I so wanted to ask her if that’s what had happened to her…….it’s actually impossible for that to happen)

– I was in labor for 36 hours and lemme tell ya, I felt e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g! (Gee thanks, cuz that’s not going to get me all nervous about child birth?!)

– Mine was born in week 28 cuz I got preeclampsia. Doctors said my sodium levels were through the roof. Did you want chips? (Ehm….I’m gonna pass on that one)

I get it. Women want to share. It’s just that some people should share a little less. And some a little more. Like the woman who kept changing sides of the road every time
she passed me at the the beginning or end of a shift. I finally resided to say Hello a little extra clearly and she said hi back and explained that she didn’t want to pass near me because she was smoking and didn’t want my unborn baby to be getting second hand smoke. (And there I was thinking she was just being a jerk).

Don’t lose hope out there. There are a lot of good people, and a handful that are bat crap crazy. Don’t believe me? Get pregnant and find out for yourself!


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