Hatred isn’t innate behavior – it is learned

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(Text says: “…and everyone love and respect each other…”)

What do you want your legacy to be?
What do you want your children to remember about you?
What do you want people to say about you behind your back?

You can’t force people to think a certain way or act a certain way. People have tried but failed. (Hitler – remember him?)
What you can do is try your best to make who you think you are and how you think you act, how you perceive yourself match the real you, the person you want to be.

If you don’t want your mother fcking child to be cursing so goddamn much when he’s friggin four years old then watch your own language.

If you want your child to be well mannered – lead by example. Actions always speak way louder than words. Help you neighbor, carry groceries for someone or help someone across the street. If you’re new to it, set a goal of doing one good thing a day. In a year you’ll have 365 good deeds to be proud of.

If you want people to speak well about you behind your back – you can’t. (Wait what?!) The first thing you have to remember is that people are individuals. Just as you probably don’t like everybody you meet, everybody’s probably not going to like you. And what did I say in the beginning? You can’t force people to do the things you want them to do (at least not I the long run) People will be saying what they want behind your back but if you choose to do good and choose to be good you strengthen the odds of that being something good.

WWJD – what would Jesus do? If you’re in doubt or don’t feel like you have what it takes to do something or you just “don’t wanna”. Take he time to ask yourself “what would Jesus do?”. Jesus would choose to do good and he would choose to go the extra mile. You can too.

Start with something simple. Start with yourself and your children in you have any. If you want the world to be a better place teach your children that it is. If you want the world to be more loving teach your children to be loving, lead by example.

Hatred begets hatred. I’m not saying that you should lie to your kids and tell them the world is a perfect place. I’m simply saying that if all they hear is negativity and how bad the world is and how bad they are, they going to start believing in it and it’s going to turn into a self fulfilling prophecy. 2 year olds don’t need to be watching the news live broadcast from the latest war zone. 7 year olds need not be playing R rated video games. Don’t expect your 9 year old to truly understand the concept of divorce or know how to deal with it if you as a 22, 35 or 45 year old don’t understand or know how to deal with it.
Don’t leave your infant crying alone in a crib and don’t lock your child in his/her room at night so you can go grocery shopping in peace. Don’t tell your 4 year old that she can’t play with Lisa cuz Lisa has two mommies. Don’t scold your 5 year old for talking to a “scary biker”.

If you want the world to be a better place, show your children that it can be, show them that it is.

What do you think? Can we change the world for the better or are we already screwed? 😉

Ps. I may not make the cutest drawings in the world but I really enjoy doodling. So if you must comment on the doodles – be nice!

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Doing the right thing isn’t rocket science! – Just don’t be a jerk

Being good and doing the right thing isn’t about being like Mother Theresa. It’s about choosing to do the right thing even after you fail, after you do something you shouldn’t have done. It’s about setting things right.

I read a blogpost on Huffingtonpost.com by Josh Misner, Ph.D. It was an apology letter to the ticket agent at the Delta Counter and I quickly realized that this blogpost embodies much of what I want to convey when I say “always do good”, “always be good”. It’s not about trying to be flawless by any means. I don’t think anybody can. It’s about trying to make this world a better place. Leave this world a little better than it was before you came into it. 

The blogpost is about when Misner was out flying with his kids, after being delayed and missing his connection flight he comes upon what he perceives to be a very snarky customer service representative at the Delta desk who tells him he cannot help him and that he has so go to the automatic kiosk. Misner has reached his limit and starts going off much like a soccer mom at at peewee game when the ref makes an “unfair” call.

Realizing what he’s done and that he didn’t exactly set the best example for his kids, and that his kids were looking at him for guidance on how to deal with the situation he decides to go back to the counter and deliver a heartfelt apology. Come to find out the reason the customer service representative couldn’t help him was because he was on his way to help a passenger by delivering an emergency kit. In the end the customer service guy accepted the apology and told Misner he had just made his day.

This is what it’s about. Misner could definitely have handled things better from the beginning but I’m sure we’ve all been in situations where we wish we would have handled things the right way from the beginning and didn’t. What defines us, what defines our character is what we do when we find ourselves having shortcomings, when we find ourselves acting less than desirable. Do we cower in a corner ashamed of our actions? Do we justify them by saying that we were stressed/tired? Or, do we take the proverbial “bull by the horns” and face whoever we did wrong and apologize? Needless to say, the latter is the better option. The latter option is the one that defines doing good, being good. It is my hope that we can all learn from situations like this, blogposts like Misner’s and start acting, do a little better, be a little better.

 

Support a breast feeding mom!

Being a breast feeding is not always easy, not always convenient and sometimes you just want to throw in the towel. Breast feeding is awesome! It’s like the super power of mommies and is like kryptonite when it comes to bugs and illnesses.

You can support a breast feeding mom, it doesn’t have to be that hard. Here are some examples

– when you see a breast feeding mom at a restaurant, buy her a bottle of water just because she’s awesome and breast feeding moms bed to stay hydrated.

– when you see a woman struggling to cover up while feeding, offer to help with the blanket. Wether she is nervous or too shy to nurse uncovered (or modest) it’s not really your place to judge, just do your best to be supportive.

– when you see a breast feeding mom trying to breastfeed while opening a door, a bottle etc, offer to help.

– when you’re at the doctor’s office and that new mom is trying to deal with leaking breasts, nipple shields, a screaming newborn that won’t latch, take the time to say “been there, done that. Take a deep breath and try again”

We can all help by being supportive!

(And for Pete’s sake – stop staring awkwardly!)

Parenting someone else’s child. Don’t make me go there, cuz I will!

This was a post I wrote a couple of months back and I still think about it every now and then so I have decided to share the story:

I get so mad at some parents and their lack of…well…(in lack of better terms) their parenting. It was about 4.15pm on an august afternoon, the park was buzzing with children and adults alike and, as usual, my son and I. Five minutes went by and it was time for the children to go home to their respective parents and have dinner. All but one. Since this is a public blog, I will call him Kevin. Kevin’s friends went home and (I will call her Ashley) Ashley called out that she would soon be back, she just had to……

Ashley never came back.

Kevin walked around kicking chestnuts with a sad face, he had given up. Besides him, junior and I were the only ones left. Kevin took his jacket and strode towards me and junior. He sat down on the bench next to me. Silent. His eyes wandered, sometimes catching a glimpse of the slide and sometimes he would rest his eyes on me.
-Hello! I said
– Hello. Said Kevin.
I asked if all his friends had gone and he said they had gone home .
– And you do not want to go home … I said
– No … said Kevin. He explained that his mother was not home, that he thought she was at the pizza place and that she had promised to come get him when she was done. She would probably be back anytime. I was not born yesterday. I understood exactly why Kevin did not want to go home and I told him that he could stay with us until his mother came if he wanted to. He nodded and said he wanted to.

We played for over 1.5 hours Kevin, junior and I . We climbed the jungle gym, went down the slide and laughed. Kevin told me about his dreams, how he loves parkour and tried to show junior how to categorized chestnuts.

Kevin is eight years. Eight years and sensible enough to understand that if you are left alone on a playground in the town center in the park where all the drunks and other scum bag come the best thing to do is find an adult and go to that person.

I am a stay at home mom. I have a very understanding husband. I have a life that allows me to stay 1.5 hours extra on the playground, later replacing home made (from scratch) hamburger, potatoes and gravy for a take away pizza so Kevin did not have to be left alone. Don’t get me wrong, we had a lovely time and if I had to I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

BUT

I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO !

There should be enough common sense or manners, call it what you will, for people NOT to leave her 8 year old alone in a park for an hour and a half. What if I had not been me ? What if I had been a pedophile ? Imagine if I had left. Kevin would have been stranded, alone as the sun set while the drunks and other “people with questionable morality” began to gather in the park.

Kevin’s mom finally showed up after 1.5 hours. She yelled at him from a distance and he ran there. She had no pizza and I did not have the moral courage enough to run after and ask where she had been. Actually, what it was, I had nothing to say. Nothing nice. Because the only thing I could have said would have been “What the HECK were you thinking??!!!”  I know. It’s not my business. It’s not my business where she had been or even why he was alone.
But it pisses me off!

Like I said, it has been almost 5 months since this happened but still I think about Kevin at times. I wonder what happened to him and I hope that his parents finally took the time to listen to his dreams and decided to become active parents again. But part of me doubts it, so part of me will always keep looking to see if Kevin, or another child are left at the park, alone.

Napkin notes

Did you read this story floating around in the social media news feed lately?

It’s about a dad who started writing little napkin notes for his daughter the day she started kindergarten. He vowed to write one for every day of school until she graduates high school. After some time he fell I’ll with cancer and the daughter started taking the napkins, gluing them together to make a keepsake of the notes her dad had given her through the years. Eventually it turned into a book which you can purchase at Amazon.com

This is such a sweet and heartwarming story I could help but share it. More napkin notes to the people! It’s a brilliant way to connect with your child and remind them every day that they are special and that they are loved. It I can give that knowledge to my son everyday, I’ll know I’ve done good.