Hatred isn’t innate behavior – it is learned

20140213-232034.jpg

(Text says: “…and everyone love and respect each other…”)

What do you want your legacy to be?
What do you want your children to remember about you?
What do you want people to say about you behind your back?

You can’t force people to think a certain way or act a certain way. People have tried but failed. (Hitler – remember him?)
What you can do is try your best to make who you think you are and how you think you act, how you perceive yourself match the real you, the person you want to be.

If you don’t want your mother fcking child to be cursing so goddamn much when he’s friggin four years old then watch your own language.

If you want your child to be well mannered – lead by example. Actions always speak way louder than words. Help you neighbor, carry groceries for someone or help someone across the street. If you’re new to it, set a goal of doing one good thing a day. In a year you’ll have 365 good deeds to be proud of.

If you want people to speak well about you behind your back – you can’t. (Wait what?!) The first thing you have to remember is that people are individuals. Just as you probably don’t like everybody you meet, everybody’s probably not going to like you. And what did I say in the beginning? You can’t force people to do the things you want them to do (at least not I the long run) People will be saying what they want behind your back but if you choose to do good and choose to be good you strengthen the odds of that being something good.

WWJD – what would Jesus do? If you’re in doubt or don’t feel like you have what it takes to do something or you just “don’t wanna”. Take he time to ask yourself “what would Jesus do?”. Jesus would choose to do good and he would choose to go the extra mile. You can too.

Start with something simple. Start with yourself and your children in you have any. If you want the world to be a better place teach your children that it is. If you want the world to be more loving teach your children to be loving, lead by example.

Hatred begets hatred. I’m not saying that you should lie to your kids and tell them the world is a perfect place. I’m simply saying that if all they hear is negativity and how bad the world is and how bad they are, they going to start believing in it and it’s going to turn into a self fulfilling prophecy. 2 year olds don’t need to be watching the news live broadcast from the latest war zone. 7 year olds need not be playing R rated video games. Don’t expect your 9 year old to truly understand the concept of divorce or know how to deal with it if you as a 22, 35 or 45 year old don’t understand or know how to deal with it.
Don’t leave your infant crying alone in a crib and don’t lock your child in his/her room at night so you can go grocery shopping in peace. Don’t tell your 4 year old that she can’t play with Lisa cuz Lisa has two mommies. Don’t scold your 5 year old for talking to a “scary biker”.

If you want the world to be a better place, show your children that it can be, show them that it is.

What do you think? Can we change the world for the better or are we already screwed? 😉

Ps. I may not make the cutest drawings in the world but I really enjoy doodling. So if you must comment on the doodles – be nice!

Advertisements

Parenting someone else’s child. Don’t make me go there, cuz I will!

This was a post I wrote a couple of months back and I still think about it every now and then so I have decided to share the story:

I get so mad at some parents and their lack of…well…(in lack of better terms) their parenting. It was about 4.15pm on an august afternoon, the park was buzzing with children and adults alike and, as usual, my son and I. Five minutes went by and it was time for the children to go home to their respective parents and have dinner. All but one. Since this is a public blog, I will call him Kevin. Kevin’s friends went home and (I will call her Ashley) Ashley called out that she would soon be back, she just had to……

Ashley never came back.

Kevin walked around kicking chestnuts with a sad face, he had given up. Besides him, junior and I were the only ones left. Kevin took his jacket and strode towards me and junior. He sat down on the bench next to me. Silent. His eyes wandered, sometimes catching a glimpse of the slide and sometimes he would rest his eyes on me.
-Hello! I said
– Hello. Said Kevin.
I asked if all his friends had gone and he said they had gone home .
– And you do not want to go home … I said
– No … said Kevin. He explained that his mother was not home, that he thought she was at the pizza place and that she had promised to come get him when she was done. She would probably be back anytime. I was not born yesterday. I understood exactly why Kevin did not want to go home and I told him that he could stay with us until his mother came if he wanted to. He nodded and said he wanted to.

We played for over 1.5 hours Kevin, junior and I . We climbed the jungle gym, went down the slide and laughed. Kevin told me about his dreams, how he loves parkour and tried to show junior how to categorized chestnuts.

Kevin is eight years. Eight years and sensible enough to understand that if you are left alone on a playground in the town center in the park where all the drunks and other scum bag come the best thing to do is find an adult and go to that person.

I am a stay at home mom. I have a very understanding husband. I have a life that allows me to stay 1.5 hours extra on the playground, later replacing home made (from scratch) hamburger, potatoes and gravy for a take away pizza so Kevin did not have to be left alone. Don’t get me wrong, we had a lovely time and if I had to I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

BUT

I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO !

There should be enough common sense or manners, call it what you will, for people NOT to leave her 8 year old alone in a park for an hour and a half. What if I had not been me ? What if I had been a pedophile ? Imagine if I had left. Kevin would have been stranded, alone as the sun set while the drunks and other “people with questionable morality” began to gather in the park.

Kevin’s mom finally showed up after 1.5 hours. She yelled at him from a distance and he ran there. She had no pizza and I did not have the moral courage enough to run after and ask where she had been. Actually, what it was, I had nothing to say. Nothing nice. Because the only thing I could have said would have been “What the HECK were you thinking??!!!”  I know. It’s not my business. It’s not my business where she had been or even why he was alone.
But it pisses me off!

Like I said, it has been almost 5 months since this happened but still I think about Kevin at times. I wonder what happened to him and I hope that his parents finally took the time to listen to his dreams and decided to become active parents again. But part of me doubts it, so part of me will always keep looking to see if Kevin, or another child are left at the park, alone.

Napkin notes

Did you read this story floating around in the social media news feed lately?

It’s about a dad who started writing little napkin notes for his daughter the day she started kindergarten. He vowed to write one for every day of school until she graduates high school. After some time he fell I’ll with cancer and the daughter started taking the napkins, gluing them together to make a keepsake of the notes her dad had given her through the years. Eventually it turned into a book which you can purchase at Amazon.com

This is such a sweet and heartwarming story I could help but share it. More napkin notes to the people! It’s a brilliant way to connect with your child and remind them every day that they are special and that they are loved. It I can give that knowledge to my son everyday, I’ll know I’ve done good.

Thank you

It seems like we’re all pretty good at thanking people. Thanking the. For gifts or that car ride home when you locked your keys in the car. For the obvious things.but how are we at thanking others for the little things? The “I saved you just enough milk for your morning tea” or the “I figured since you got delayed at work you’d probably come home starving so I got us pizza”. You’ve got those too. Wow. You’re doing good. (I forget sometimes. I’m sorry)

But even more important is sometimes just thanking people for who they are, for what impact they’ve had on your life just by being in it. My husband is, of course, one of those people, but also my son. He helped me grow and become the mother I am today. If I tell him today, thank you for being you, he’ll understand my words in one way, when he’s 15 in another way, and when he has his first child in another way.

I was blessed becoming his mother. I have never had post partum depression. Even in the darkest nights with aching boobs, tiny tummy ache and baby cries I somehow always found being his mother a blessing, something to be thankful for. My wish is that I may never grow content, never get so “comfortable” (in lack of better terms) that I start taking information granted. I hope I will always remember and feel grateful for having him in my life and I hope I will always remember to thank him.

Thank you
for teaching me your wants
For teaching me your needs.
Thank you for pushing me
with more intense cries
when I get it wrong.
Thank you for rewarding me
with more intense hugs
When I get it right.
Thank you for being amazing
Just by being you.
Thank you for trusting me
to take care of you
to care for you
Thank you for making me
the mom I am today
Thank you for being you

Restless night

You whimper a little in your sleep,
I watch you from the kitchen,
you’re asleep but not at peace tonight
I lay down beside you,
put my arms around you
and pull you close.
Your breathing slows down again
your body relaxes
my job here is done.
I kiss you goodnight again
and tip toe out of your room
I’m here for you
24/7
ready to do it all over again

Dear mom

All too often I see children who could and should receive better treatment from their parents. Children who are bullied, ridiculed and left alone to fight their own battles. Oftentimes I find myself wishing that these children could write a letter to their parent and explain that;

Dear mom,

When I’m eating and spill on my shirt,
please don’t get mad
I may just have taken too big of a bite.

When I’m drinking and I get water all over my pants,
please don’t get angry
I may just had misjudged the distance

When I’m having a hard time picking up a small object
please don’t get frustrated
My fine motor skills are still developing

When I am climbing
please don’t yell at me
This is how I learn

When I fall
please don’t scold me and tell me I have myself to blame
I’m still fairly new at this

When I don’t answer you right away
please don’t call me stupid
I might just have been temporarily
preoccupied

When I don’t act the way you want me to
Please don’t call me names
I don’t do it to spite you

When I hurt myself
please don’t laugh at me
I didn’t do it on purpose

When I throw a tantrum
please don’t lose your temper
I know what I want I just don’t always know how to express it.

When I come to you after a tantrum
please don’t shut me out
It is scary and I need you to console me.

When I call for you in the middle of the night
please don’t ignore me
I may just have had a really bad dream

Mom, when I spill
Or fail to accomplish a task
Or fall
Or seem not to listen
Or misbehave.
When I hurt myself
Throw a tantrum
Or call for you in the middle of the night

Please know that I love you and I need you to be there for me
To support me
To guide me
To remind me when I forget
To reassure me that I am perfect just the way I am.

What I need most mom, is your unconditional love and patience.

Sincerely,
Your child

If you can instill in your child that he/she is loved no matter what happens, why it happens or how he/she reacts, then know you have done good. Then know you have done right.

And then she walked away

She did it twice that day. The first time she saw us she turned around and walked the other way. I wasn’t sure if you noticed.

The second time you called out for her…and she ignored you. She was on the other side of the street and you called out for her again…and again…and again.

Then you became silent and you stared down on the ground and stood as steadfast as only a heartbroken 2 year old can.

I fell on my knees and hugged you. I didn’t know what else to do. So I told you that I was sorry she had ignored you and that it was wrong to do so. That it was mean and that I understood that you were hurt and I apologized for it. I told you in both languages to make sure you really understood.

I think you did. But I also think it broke your heart.

We passed by where she used to live and I had to explain to you that we couldn’t go there cuz she’s not living there anymore. I had to explain that we couldn’t see her anymore.

I wanted to have some brilliant explanation that made sense but the truth is I didn’t. I don’t. I still don’t know why she ignored you, why her kids who used to adore you ignored you.

So I do what I know best. I hug you and cuddle you and I explain that we don’t always understand people’s actions and that sometimes people are mean even though you did nothing to deserve it.

I don’t know what happened and maybe I’ll never will. But wether or not it was something I did or didn’t, there is no excuse for taking it out on you. No excuse.

Sometimes I wish I could just say that people are mean and don’t talk to anybody cuz everybody’s going to hurt you eventually. But I can’t because I don’t believe it. I do believe in the goodness of other people and I want you to grow up to do the same. Maybe it’s a coincident and maybe you’re not sad, maybe you’re just bummed or getting sick. But just incase you’re not I want respect you as a human being, as my beloved son.

So for the third night in a row I snuggle up and apologize for something someone else did and I try my best to remind you of all the people that love you and that you love.

It’s all I know.
And I pray to God it’s enough.